"The Little Story of Char's Life"

Bastard!

I have to get at least 2 Bs and 2 Cs in these exams for my parents to let me go back to college.
And that is the minimum, my Mother would be very disappointed in me if I only got that.

Shit.

I'm going to fail the year again.

I don't know what to do. About anything. What do I do if I don't get 2 Bs and 2 Cs? What if I do.. what do I do when I finish the second year? Uni? I don't have a clue which Uni I want to go to, or even what I want to study. And what do I do after that? I don't know what I want to be. I don't plan for the future. At all. I didn't even think I'd finish my GCSEs. not in hte sense that I would drop out, or not do them, I just never thought it would happen. I assumed I would have died or something by then.
I just need somebody to tell me what to do.

Indeed I do
And my Miss Nic
She loves me too.

Nic and Sam just might be coming to visit me and Becks in about a month! I need to convince my parents that it is a good idea for either one or both of them to stay a night.

Saturday was great, although I have about 8 bruises, 3 of which are on my face. I struggled to move at all yesterday, which made me realise just how unfit I am.
Saturday night was amazing. I didn't want it to end. I miss him already. I don't know if this is a good thing or not. Oh well, only two weeks to go. At least two weeks. Help =(

Its quite scary. I voted today.. but the people there knew I'd only just turned 18 and all went "Awwwwwww" As I left. Grrr.

Feeling even more mixed up now, still about the same matter, but for a different reason. But its only hypothetical.
Hypothetically a girl, name unknown, really likes this hypothetical boy but doesn't know if he likes her. In a hypothetical situation, what should she do? It appears that the answer to that one, is that she should ask her hypothetical brother to find out.
The hypothetical brother did some meddling, and it appears that the hypothetical boy is worried about the hypothetical girl's age.

Stupid hypothetical people. Damn it.

Wow... that gig absolutely rocked!! The only thing that spoilt it was my mates being rubbish.. and one of them being a whiney bitch all weekend. She wasn't even at all grateful to John, Richard and Steven for them letting us stay there.. when we got back on the Sunday she didn't even bother coming in the room to meet them. Grrr. All she did was stand or sit at the back of them stand area, and maybe headbang for 10 ish minutes. How does that tire one person out so much that they feel sick and complain alllll night, and feel so much more tired than me, who was right at the front being squashed to death with no water or food?
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
A big thank you to John, Richard and Steven though... =D

I was right at the front.. it was so awesome!! And when Aiden came on, I ended up right at the front of the wall of death, which was painful but very fun! Lost Prophets were a lot better than I expected.. they rocked! My Chemical Romance, however, did not. They nearly cost me my life, and were really not worth it. They suck. And Gerrard Way is too far up his own arse. Atreyu were amazing though, and played all my favourite songs and made me love the band even more. Yay and stuff.
Feeling rather tired and achey.. being at the front means that any crowd surfers end up landing on your head, which is rather painful. Also one of them kicked me quite hard in the neck. Bastards. And the whore in front of me for MCR, The Ataris and most of Atreyu, wouldn't stop kicking me and glaring at me and elbowing me. Grrr.

I got a t-shirt though, and I managed to get it £2 cheaper than it was supposed to be! Sarah bought me an Atreyu hat for my birthday too. Tis very cool.
Wish I didn't have to go to college tomorrow.. I have a mock computing exam which I need to write an 18 page report for tonight. And I think I might also have a mock Biology exam. Am very tempted to move to Grantham because I really, really do not want to do my exams, or even spend one more day at college. My Mum did not sound very impressed when I told her that was my plan for when (or should it be 'if'?) I fail my exams, but my Dad thought it was quite an acceptable thing to do. Can't decide whether staying here would fuck my life up more than leaving.

Feeling quite odd that my father offered me as a birthday present to Steven. Also that he put 'Peck permitting of course'.

I'm all messed up, and my formerly pretty good talent at reading body language seems to have disappeared. On one person at least. Very confused and want to know where I stand. Other people seem to have ideas about something going on, when nothing actually is. I don't know if I want it to though. I think I do, but thinking isn't really good enough. They don't really seem to feel that way anyway. Gah. Wasted feelings.

I am feeling quite guilty as it was my Grandma's birthday on Saturday, and I wasn't there to go and see her. I also didn't come home in time to see her today.
Apparently half past 7 was not a reasonable time to arrive home, so my mother is angry at me. She said I'm grounded and not allowed out on my birthday, and she hasn't decided whether I can still go out next weekend or not. Her decision won't actually affect whether I go or not, because I couldn't care less what she says. When I'm 18 I no longer have to listen to her. Yay.

This is what I see at work..

You make me fucking sick to my stomach.

He actually makes me want to hurl.

I am full of hate and anger, and feel ashamed and used and dirty and weak.

I also have a huge bruise on my leg.

Well I'm back into the crying stage again. My head is really getting unbearable.
I went back to see the doctor yesterday and he has referred me to and ENT specialist and gave me another nasal spray.
Couldn't read my work in Economics or Biology today. The words were moving around. It felt like my eyes were shaking. Everything was shaking.. in a similar way to how things shake when you lean your head on a bus window when it stops with the engine still running. Everyone was giving me odd looks in Economics, as I spent most of the leson staring at the table legs opposite me, and ignored most of what was going on. I also couldn't hear most of hwat was going on.. I just sort of tuned out. My ears keep going funny aswell. They keep feeling like I've been swimming and have got water in them, and I can't get rid of it, and this only seems to happen when my head gets really bad.
My family didn't notice me in tears when I left the dinner table. My Dad thinks I'm making things up about my head most of the time. And everytime I mention it to my Mother, she jsut tells me to go and rub some weird herb stuff that my Auntie sells into my head. I have tried this many times and it doesn't work, but she won't believe me.
Kevin bought a pack of pegs and some straws at second period today, 'cause we both had it free, and attached them all to himself. It was quite amusing. Sophie got some good pictures of it. And now there's lots of people in college with pegs, as we just randomly attached them to people. I've got one with a face on it :)

Want to go back to the doctors and want him to tell me whats ACTUALLY wrong with me.
Hate stupid doctors who can't diagnose people. Grr.

I think I"m going to get a bruise cause I ended up in the mosh pit. Twas great fun though. There was an evil bouncer who kept taking people's drinks away if they couldn't show him ID after they'd bought and paid for it and had started drinking. He asked me but I just downed my pint before he could do anything. Mwahaha.
Saw John while I was waiting for the coach in Blackburn.. and he impressed us by fitting his whole fist in his mouth. Was very entertaining thoguh =) Although he seemed to ahve forgotten about the gathering at the house tomorrow. Tsk.
I wanted some chips before I got home :( *sulks*
Now I really need something to eat. Damnit.
My work stuff isn't clean either. And these jeans probably now smell awful and I'm probably going to have to wear them after work. Grr.